Its been almost 2 weeks since I've updated this blog.. What can I say... Its been a roller coaster ride like how I always said..

Right now, I'm glad that she's been getting better with her health with the pain that comes and goes once in a while.. I'm sure with the proper care and rest, she will just be alright...

I received an email from her last week... In it, all I can say is that it is something that I don't wanna hear.. She said that she'll be leaving me, to stay with the guy and work on the marriage... No wonder she didn't reply to my msgs that day...

In the first place, I guessed that I gotta accept the fact that she wanted to continue with her life without me by her side.. No words can described the pain I felt reading the email.. Out of a sudden, I burst into tears..literally.

Yes, I've cried before in the past but bursting the way I did this time felt so strange... I just can't seem to control it... The pain I felt in me was unbearable and the only thing that helped me at that moment was the tears that came out.. Luckily there was no one at home at that time or they might be shocked to see me that way... I kept saying why something so beautiful like the love that we had have to end this way... why the love have to come and go in such a short period of time...

After gathering my composure back, I felt that if its for the best I guess I just have to accept it and let her go... I will let her go knowing that its for her best interest and she will feel better...

3 days passed with me clinging on to any last strength in me to live trying to accept the fact that she's gone from my life once again... Even though I didn't get to talk to her, there's nothing else that was on my mind but the thought of her.. reminiscing the short times we've spent together.. the coffee and brownie first appearance after 10 yrs, the playground outing with the kids followed by Mcdonalds, Burger King's burger during fasting month with the long stroll back to Tampines where we held hands again, dinner under the humid weather at Downtown East again that ends with a perfect beautiful kiss and to the last meeting of pasta lunch with a surprised bouquet of flowers to top everything up...

I accepted the fact to the decision that she made but I just can't accept the fact that those 5 meetings were the only memories that we gonna have this time round...

I read up the blog that she just made and it came clear to me.. the decision was not made in order for her to be happy.. like how I put it, its not for the better... With that, I saying to myself that it will not be over till its really over... I'm not going to let someone I love so so much to leave me just like that... not this time round...

I know that I'm not helping her with this but I wanna be difficult this time... I feel like I deserve to get something out of all this.. the pain and the hurt is all part and parcel of life and I know that happiness will come with it as well..

If she is reading this, I just wanna say that I won't leave you and I won't let you go that easily now.. I love you so much and I know that you feel the same way too.. Please give this love of ours a chance to live a life.. the life that you and I are dreaming for... Let's make it a reality rather than just being a fantasy.. You always asked me how much I love you... whether the love that I have for you is the same or comparable to anyone else.. The only way for you to know it is by giving me the chance to prove this love to you... I've heard alot of people saying how good a guy I am...How a great father and husband I will be to the point that I'm getting really sick and tired of hearing it... Whats the use in hearing all these if I can't prove to the person I love how true it can be...

It will be a battle from now on.. Not for her but for me.. A battle to keep this hopes and dreams alive but I promise that I will never hurt her in any way possible.. Hurting her will be like me stabbing a sharp knife through my own chest... There's no way that I will wanna hurt her.. like I said before... she's the love of my life....