Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
The results are in and all the questions and wait don't mean anything anymore.. The caused of all the pains that you are feeling all this while are now there for us to see.. Of all the things that can happen, why this...? why now...? Everything else don't mean anything anymore...
I know that all you want now is to have me with you by your side.. No matter what my dear, I'm giving you my word that I will always be here if you need me... I've always been a strong person after going through so much in my life but all of a sudden I'm feeling so weak... I feel so hopeless right now..
No matter what I'm feeling now, I know I have to face a strong front.. I feel that I have been a strong pillar to her and that's what she needs now.. With her own determination, I believe that she will overcome all this.. I have to be strong and keep motivating her to achieve it and that's what I will do..
Seriously, what I feel now is not important.. Whether I will be with her or not doesn't matter anymore.. At the end of the day, I just want her to recover, be healthy and live her life as usual...
I've always said that everything happened for a reason.. If I'm the one chosen by HIM to lead her through this pain, I will accept that responsibility even if its not to my favour..
My dear, in my eyes, you are the most beautiful person that I've seen.. Not only in looks but also in every other way... Please be strong and endure all the things that you need to go through in times to come and I will surely be by your side in every step of the way.. in your heart and with my soul...
I know that all you want now is to have me with you by your side.. No matter what my dear, I'm giving you my word that I will always be here if you need me... I've always been a strong person after going through so much in my life but all of a sudden I'm feeling so weak... I feel so hopeless right now..
No matter what I'm feeling now, I know I have to face a strong front.. I feel that I have been a strong pillar to her and that's what she needs now.. With her own determination, I believe that she will overcome all this.. I have to be strong and keep motivating her to achieve it and that's what I will do..
Seriously, what I feel now is not important.. Whether I will be with her or not doesn't matter anymore.. At the end of the day, I just want her to recover, be healthy and live her life as usual...
I've always said that everything happened for a reason.. If I'm the one chosen by HIM to lead her through this pain, I will accept that responsibility even if its not to my favour..
My dear, in my eyes, you are the most beautiful person that I've seen.. Not only in looks but also in every other way... Please be strong and endure all the things that you need to go through in times to come and I will surely be by your side in every step of the way.. in your heart and with my soul...
Sunday, September 19, 2010
It's been 3 nights that you've been staying in the hospital.. I am very worried about your well being.. I'm praying hard that you will get well soon.. I could feel that you are really in pain... My only wish now is to be able to take all the pain away from you..
I just finished talking to you on the phone earlier and I am very glad to hear your voice again.. How glad I am, I know that you are still in pain.. Don't worry my dear.. Everything will be alright soon..
Everything else don't matter right now.. Me, Him, the kids, all that don't matter at this moment of time.. The most important thing is to make sure that you get well...I don't know how to describe the feeling that is in me right now.. Everyone else is there with you right now on your bedside tending and looking after to all your needs whereas I'm here sitting at home not knowing what is happening..
I just feel hopeless for not being able to be by your side at this time when you are really in need... I know that I'm the only one that you really want to see at this moment of time..
It doesn't matter whether you will be with me at the end of all this... All I am asking for now is for you to get well and get on with your life.. It hurts me more knowing the kind of condition that you are in right now.. I am willing to sacrifice everything in order for you to get well...
Please my dear, be strong, get well soon and nothing else will not matter to me anymore..
No words can express how much I love and wanna be with you but all I'm praying for right now is for you to get well...
I just finished talking to you on the phone earlier and I am very glad to hear your voice again.. How glad I am, I know that you are still in pain.. Don't worry my dear.. Everything will be alright soon..
Everything else don't matter right now.. Me, Him, the kids, all that don't matter at this moment of time.. The most important thing is to make sure that you get well...I don't know how to describe the feeling that is in me right now.. Everyone else is there with you right now on your bedside tending and looking after to all your needs whereas I'm here sitting at home not knowing what is happening..
I just feel hopeless for not being able to be by your side at this time when you are really in need... I know that I'm the only one that you really want to see at this moment of time..
It doesn't matter whether you will be with me at the end of all this... All I am asking for now is for you to get well and get on with your life.. It hurts me more knowing the kind of condition that you are in right now.. I am willing to sacrifice everything in order for you to get well...
Please my dear, be strong, get well soon and nothing else will not matter to me anymore..
No words can express how much I love and wanna be with you but all I'm praying for right now is for you to get well...
Friday, September 17, 2010
Its Friday.. T.G.I.F? Not really though... This is the day that I was hoping to get an answer to the reason behind the roller coaster ride that I've been through recently..
Didn't get that much sleep last night thinking on what's the outcome gonna be.. today might be the day that is gonna change everything..
We didn't get the chance to speak last night as she was occupied having her parents over.. They must have been discussing about the matter and the plans for the appointment today....
Found out very early this morning that she was having a very bad headache last night and was not able to get in touch with me.. I'm really concerned about her frequent headaches.. She must be going through alot of stress right now.. If only I can take those pain away from her...
She had to go the office this morning to get her purse that she left behind yesterday.. at least that was what she said.. or maybe that was the only way that she could get in touch with me before they made their way to the appointment..
As they proceeded to the place, my time at home was waited with anxiety... As I went about my day dazing around at home, the vision of her sitting there with the guy discussing about the matters flashed my eyes.. I just have to brushed it away in order for me to keep my emotions in checked..
Finally got a message from her late this afternoon... I was quite happy to be able to get to hear from her.. She sounded that she was alright in her message.. She said that everything was alright at the appointment and she went to the hospital for her medical checkup after that and I know that she didn't go there on her own.. Eventhough I was quite disappointed knowing that I told her that I will be the one accompanying her for the checkup, I understood that she was not feeling well and am glad that she went there today..
Disappointingly as it seems, there's nothing much that I can do right now.. The news that I got from her today was that they will be attending a counselling programme together for the next 4 to 6 weeks or so... What is the purpose of this counselling programme? From what I know, a programme like this is suppose to improve on a situation and make it better... SO..... What does it mean? I refused to conclude on it right now.. We'll just have to wait till I get the chance hear it from her... As it goes now.. I just have to wait.. Still and always waiting...
Didn't get that much sleep last night thinking on what's the outcome gonna be.. today might be the day that is gonna change everything..
We didn't get the chance to speak last night as she was occupied having her parents over.. They must have been discussing about the matter and the plans for the appointment today....
Found out very early this morning that she was having a very bad headache last night and was not able to get in touch with me.. I'm really concerned about her frequent headaches.. She must be going through alot of stress right now.. If only I can take those pain away from her...
She had to go the office this morning to get her purse that she left behind yesterday.. at least that was what she said.. or maybe that was the only way that she could get in touch with me before they made their way to the appointment..
As they proceeded to the place, my time at home was waited with anxiety... As I went about my day dazing around at home, the vision of her sitting there with the guy discussing about the matters flashed my eyes.. I just have to brushed it away in order for me to keep my emotions in checked..
Finally got a message from her late this afternoon... I was quite happy to be able to get to hear from her.. She sounded that she was alright in her message.. She said that everything was alright at the appointment and she went to the hospital for her medical checkup after that and I know that she didn't go there on her own.. Eventhough I was quite disappointed knowing that I told her that I will be the one accompanying her for the checkup, I understood that she was not feeling well and am glad that she went there today..
Disappointingly as it seems, there's nothing much that I can do right now.. The news that I got from her today was that they will be attending a counselling programme together for the next 4 to 6 weeks or so... What is the purpose of this counselling programme? From what I know, a programme like this is suppose to improve on a situation and make it better... SO..... What does it mean? I refused to conclude on it right now.. We'll just have to wait till I get the chance hear it from her... As it goes now.. I just have to wait.. Still and always waiting...
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Today will end soon and tomorrow will come up next.. 3 days to go with the hope of knowing whats gonna happen next... I don't know what I should feel at this moment of time.. confusion is surrounding my thoughts right now...
Yesterday was our fourth meeting since we got back in touch.. It was a very short meeting.. the shortest one in fact.. I was so pissed with myself for being late for the meeting and made her waited for almost an hour on her own...that was an hour wasted for me.. I'm really really sorry my dear.. :(
We had a simple dinner under a very humid weather eventhough its already past sunset... I could see that her mind was very bothered.. Her eyes kept wondering around, staring through the distance... I knew that it would not be easy for me to have a conversation with her.. I guessed I could try to stare at her eyes and made her uncomfortable to get her mind off the problems but it was just temporary...
We had a walk after that trying to digest our dinner which was not much.. We had a good chat on what will be happening in a few days... We discussed on what will the possibilities be... No matter what the subject is about, I've always enjoyed chatting with her.. No matter what the subject is about, she will never fail to smile at me..
We rested on a bench still under a very humid weather... I wondered why the weather was not kind to us... We continued to chat and began expressing our feelings towards one another.. I felt that I was doing it a little too much sometimes.. Saying how much I love her, letting her know how much I wanna be with her and things like that... I'm not sure that she gonna get sick of it sooner or later but I just can't stop doing it.. We held hands throughout the whole journey and were in each others arms at times... We concluded that hopefully, in a few days time, we will be able to get the answers that all of us is waiting all this while but then, I realized that there can be a possibility that it could be our last meeting... a possibility that I might not be able to see her again.. I started to panic but managed to control myself and kept my cool...
Its not that I don't believe that she wanna be with me.. I've never had those doubts.. Even after 10yrs being apart, I can still say that I believe that her feelings for me is true.. That is why I am so afraid to lose her.. Its just a possibility that may happen and we will not be able to meet again.. At that moment, all I wanna do was to just hold her tight and don't wanna let her go.. She look so beautiful.. especially when she was in my arms.. Whats next? I just want this moment to end with a seal of a kiss.. She was reluctant at first when I requested to kiss her and I could understand why.. but deep down in her I just knew that she wants it as bad I want it too.. Slowly I leaned towards her and with that beautiful smile on her face, our lips met... No words could described the feeling when our lips met.. no doubt it ended in a split second, I will surely cherished it for the rest of my life.. She is, with no offense to the others, the love of my life...
Yesterday was our fourth meeting since we got back in touch.. It was a very short meeting.. the shortest one in fact.. I was so pissed with myself for being late for the meeting and made her waited for almost an hour on her own...that was an hour wasted for me.. I'm really really sorry my dear.. :(
We had a simple dinner under a very humid weather eventhough its already past sunset... I could see that her mind was very bothered.. Her eyes kept wondering around, staring through the distance... I knew that it would not be easy for me to have a conversation with her.. I guessed I could try to stare at her eyes and made her uncomfortable to get her mind off the problems but it was just temporary...
We had a walk after that trying to digest our dinner which was not much.. We had a good chat on what will be happening in a few days... We discussed on what will the possibilities be... No matter what the subject is about, I've always enjoyed chatting with her.. No matter what the subject is about, she will never fail to smile at me..
We rested on a bench still under a very humid weather... I wondered why the weather was not kind to us... We continued to chat and began expressing our feelings towards one another.. I felt that I was doing it a little too much sometimes.. Saying how much I love her, letting her know how much I wanna be with her and things like that... I'm not sure that she gonna get sick of it sooner or later but I just can't stop doing it.. We held hands throughout the whole journey and were in each others arms at times... We concluded that hopefully, in a few days time, we will be able to get the answers that all of us is waiting all this while but then, I realized that there can be a possibility that it could be our last meeting... a possibility that I might not be able to see her again.. I started to panic but managed to control myself and kept my cool...
Its not that I don't believe that she wanna be with me.. I've never had those doubts.. Even after 10yrs being apart, I can still say that I believe that her feelings for me is true.. That is why I am so afraid to lose her.. Its just a possibility that may happen and we will not be able to meet again.. At that moment, all I wanna do was to just hold her tight and don't wanna let her go.. She look so beautiful.. especially when she was in my arms.. Whats next? I just want this moment to end with a seal of a kiss.. She was reluctant at first when I requested to kiss her and I could understand why.. but deep down in her I just knew that she wants it as bad I want it too.. Slowly I leaned towards her and with that beautiful smile on her face, our lips met... No words could described the feeling when our lips met.. no doubt it ended in a split second, I will surely cherished it for the rest of my life.. She is, with no offense to the others, the love of my life...
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