Its been 3 days since I've heard her voice... I miss her so much.. I hope that she knows how much I miss her at this point of time.. Things are abit different nowadays.. I can feel that she's changing right now.. No more can I feel the passion in her voice whenever we chat and hearing her expressing her feelings to me is abit of a rarity these days...

No doubt my feelings for her never changed but I feel that if she's really changing for the better then I guess its a good thing... For once since we got back together, I'm feeling the love that she had for him.. The way she express her emotions about the times they had together all these years.... I'm feeling that she is trying giving in to him.. Bit by bit, I feel that she's beginning to forgive him to what he did to her.. The way I read about how she's missing in being a good wife to him as she used to be hurts me abit.. thats the truth as I don't wanna hide my true feelings... Its nice to know how she missed the things they did together as husband and wife but on the other hand it hurts cause I know that slowly she's trying to push me away from her life...

I guess I'm wrong to think that I was the right one for her... I thought I was the best for her... I guess I'm not that great after all...

Look at me now... goin 29, having a career that I can't be proud of, single, not many friends and many more... What else can expect to come my way? An angel like her?

I just want someone that I can love and love me the way I am... Someone that I thought was her... but I guess I'm dreaming to have a life which I can't have.. Wanting a family which is not mine..

I think I'm kinda fighting a losing battle once again... On the 26th on this month, they will be going for their counselling... I guess thats the point where I have to accept whatever that she decides... 2 days before my coming birthday and I have to accept whatever the decision that lies for me... Maybe I will just go away somewhere on my birthday on my own to spend time with myself and reminice what have I gone through...

I may still smile, I may still laugh, I may still joke when I have people around me but the pain that I'm feeling now is so unbearable that its eating everything inside me... I'm not sure how it gonna look like if I were to cut open myself and see what the pain have caused to my inner soul....

Well, whatever it is, I hope that one day when I leave this world, people will remember me for the things that I did and how I always wanna make everyone happy...

Whether I can be happy now is definitely out of the question... For like I said, she's the love of my life.. and I feel that I'm losing her soon.... :( :(